i just had sex bonerless
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
