I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
