she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
