You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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