I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
