She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
