i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
