Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
