Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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