That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
