I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
