What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
