that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
