Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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