At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
