There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
