The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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