I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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