im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize