Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
