But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
