***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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