We won't sleep together?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
