I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
