How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
