Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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