don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
