You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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