he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
