she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
