Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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