I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
