My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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