ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
