i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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