you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
