You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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