So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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