Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
