you turned your livingroom into a bong?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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