If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
