I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
