bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
