no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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