So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
