I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
