Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is the high leading the old right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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