At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
