i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
