I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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