Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
false alarm. still invincible.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize