Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
