I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
