pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
