Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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