If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
