C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
