Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want to make a zoo with you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize