I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
