can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
