What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
