I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
