I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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