It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
