Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
