your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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