dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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