Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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