How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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