So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
